I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I will pee on everything he values.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
