yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
