I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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