Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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