Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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