I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
