Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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