You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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