nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
