I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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