I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
