the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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