i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
