I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
