We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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