The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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