we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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