he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am one with the molecules
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
