i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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