woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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