I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
