In the future we'll all be gay
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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