Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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