and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
