home. puking in laundry basket.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
