ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
