I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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