I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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