im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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