we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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