There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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