Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
