i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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