im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
