take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize