So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
high people should be assigned attendants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
