id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
