Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think i got beer on your cat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
