im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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