Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
