Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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