The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
