I'm so fucking centered right now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it because I queefed?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
