I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
