I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
