It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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