I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
