This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
