I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize