there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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