Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
