never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
