I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
