His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
