dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
