He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
