Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
