marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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