I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
