So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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