U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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