so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
