He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
