Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
