I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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