I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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