Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
