the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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