Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
